madwanderer: (KuroxFai)
[personal profile] madwanderer
Title: “Taking Chances”
Author: DayDreamer64/ MadWanderer
Fandom: TRC
Pairing: KuroxFai
Genre: ANGST
Rating: PG-13ish
Summary: What do you saying to taking chances?
Note: Ohhhh. I heard this song on a Pokeshipping fanmix and squeed when I realized it was the one I’ve been meaning to download for a KuroxFai song ficlet. So yeah. Song is obvious, “Taking Chances” By Celine Dione (savefile or megaupload) I swear it fits so well! And dammit, this was supposed to be fluff, but it turned into angst. *sighs* I hate it when this happens. >.>’’

Fai didn’t know much about Kurogane. But he didn’t want to be alone, he wanted someone, anyone. But they usually left or turned into a lie. That’s why he couldn’t get closer to him. He had no choice but to push him away when things got too far. He didn’t think he could take it. It was just entirely too much. He couldn’t forgive him for saving his life, he couldn’t let things go past into his heart, his life, his mind. It would just lead to everyone being hurt.

He had to look away from those ruby red eyes whenever they questioned him otherwise, he might crack and let his mask fall. He couldn’t let that happen. Fai could get too close. He had to keep his distance because it didn’t involve him. Yet… he was alone this way… What if he just let him in…?

No, it wouldn’t last.

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

Kurogane was often called rash and he almost always ended up doing things on first impulse. When he first saw Fai he didn’t know why but he had this strange feeling to find out more about him. His smile was just a cover up and he wanted to know the reason why. It just… intrigued him in a way.

He couldn’t exactly put an exact word on what he felt for the mage when he first met him. But he knew now. And the funny thing was that before he probably wouldn’t have been able to say he was one to have such feelings- yet it happened. It grew so gradually over the time they spent together that he hardly noticed it until it was staring at him in the face, blood spilled from one eye and a lost son, staring at him, indifferently.

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Fai just wanted to be left alone to die. He didn’t want anyone to stop this sweet bliss of darkness overcoming him. It was so easy to let go and it’s all he ever wanted. Things had become to complicated- the children had become a part of him, his “life” and the ninja… he didn’t know what to think about him. He was attractive but he…he couldn’t. Couldn’t ever let them be together. Getting close- he wouldn’t risk someone’s life like… back then.

All those people… He knew them… And they all died… Fai… his precious twin… Lost from  him for the superstition of humans. They couldn’t be trusted. Humans were capable of so much and he wasn’t about to take another chance on them. No, not even Kurogane.

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

Kurogane remembered those times their skins would brush over each other- not quite touching, but still a small reminder of… I’m here, come touch me. He would never give in to those urges. He couldn’t, not when the mage wasn’t willing to live his life for more than that.

But it was no use, Fai was the type of person he hated. He could never be more to him if he didn’t change. He wanted him to live, he wanted him to value his life- because he sure as hell did. He cared more than he wanted. He trusted Mokona to help him find a way to save him, but that wasn’t the reason why he had agreed to the wish. He agreed because he wanted to. He wanted him to live, even though the mage didn’t want to.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Fai had so many bad memories to retreat to when he was asleep after the turning. He never knew how vampires exactly turned or if this was supposed to happen. But it was almost as if he was reliving every moment in his life. Right down to the second a bright light shone brightly before his eyes and he could hear a distinct cry.

These memories of his life… So many… He knew every one of them- had to relive each of them when he was stuck in that tower with his precious twin. What he would have given to change these memories but he couldn’t so instead he tried to run. Run and leave them behind, but it was impossible. They followed him wherever he went.

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There’s nothing like love to pull you up,
When you’re laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do

Kurogane would wait and watch until he woke. Then he’d explain. Maybe. He just wanted him to understand that he wanted him to value his life. Life was too precious to give it up the way he was doing it now. He wouldn’t let him. He doubted much he would thank him for it- he wanted to die.

But he wouldn’t let him die. Because deep down, Kurogane knew, he couldn’t die just yet. He hadn’t mentioned it directly but there was something he was still living for. Something he hid from them. He had never asked and he never would if he didn’t save him. He was going to live…

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Fai slowly slipped out of the memories, consciousness resurfacing from his murky mind. Everything… was so much clearer- his sense had sharpened. So this…was his new life…  his new burden to carry… and all because of him…

He didn’t have to look over to know the ninja was standing right by him. He took his time, slowly and deliberately biding his time as he moved to get up, shoulders slumped inward, eyes glued to the bed, fists clenched into the blankets. Before he chanced  a look up.

Sapphire met ruby and held until…

He closed his eye, and let a small spread over his face, “Morning Kurogane.”

He watched as those words sunk in- let them hurt as he watched the pain and surprise cross into the ninja’s face. He continued smiling, the mask perfectly kept in check as he talked.

“Don’t move.” He sounded so… disappointed? No… There was something more…

“I’m not going to run away.” He joked.

And suddenly a jacket was thrown over him, “Don’t move yet.”

He watched as he turned away, another jacket draped over his arm. He never looked back. He watched.

No… He wouldn’t let him in… He couldn’t…

Don’t know much about your life
And I don’t know much about your world…

Note: Great. Now I’m emo all over again. >.< I need fluff dammit! Comments are appreciated! :D
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madwanderer

February 2011

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