madwanderer: (KuroxFai)
[personal profile] madwanderer
Title: “Suspension”
Author: DayDreamer64/ MadWanderer
Fandom: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles/ X
Pairing: KuroxFai BRIEF mentions of SeixSub (I mean seriously, you hardly see it. XD)
Genre: AU/ Angst
Rating: R…ish
Summary: Fai wants to die, Kurogane won’t let him- not now.
Note: For the Spring Challenge- and wow, this took me a long time to actually write. o.O;; And it’s pretty LONG. O.O I hope it’s enjoyed. >.>’’

“I won’t let you go. I have a reason why I saved you… If you haven’t figured it by now, you’re more of an idiot than I take you for.”

Those words… Why had he dared tell him that? Fai ran blindly from the apartment, feeling a terrible pain in chest. It hurt so much to think what exactly those words meant. He slowed to a stop in the middle of the street, finding himself standing on a random street full of strangers.

It wasn’t love; it was sex- that’s all it could ever be. He needed to get away. Run from him and never look back he couldn’t get close, not when everything was to end so soon. Nineteen ninety-nine, the year the world would end. The Dimensional Witch had assured him and he had looked forward to seeing it all be over soon. He had been in contact with her ever since his twin brother had died, giving up his life for him. He had tried to wish for death to come to him in order to save his brother from that… man. But he had been to late.

However he had continued to live for that life of his brother. His half soul that was lost to him so long ago. He intended to have as much fun as possible before everything came crashing down; for his brother… Fai…

But this… This wasn’t fun anymore. Things had gotten serious with him- or at least he thought it was serious. But this wasn’t serious, this… had all been for fun… Not love…

When did they first meet? It had been sometime after his first day at Clamp Campus. His first day of high school… First day meeting new people, first try at living without his twin.

He had first seen him under a sakura tree. A young man with ruby red eyes, letting them steadily move from side to side as they read the lines on the pages. The book held in his hands was small and all around him were papers, scattered about underneath more books.

Fai watched, amazed at the carefree manner of the muscular student before him. Who… was he?

And suddenly the tensing of muscles and those eyes stilled for a moment, then they looked up into his eyes. For a second everything seemed to have gone still and all he could hear was the steady thumping of his heart begin to race. His palms began to gather sweat and he feared his books might fall right out of his grip. So instead he closed his eyes and let the biggest smile he had shine brightly.

It served to block out the intensity of those eyes.

“Hello!” he exclaimed rushing over. “I’m Fai D. Fluorite! I’m a new transfer student! Nice to meet you!”

Blank silence as the raven head stared at him, blankly. Hmm, what to do? He looked over at one of his papers sprawled all around him and catching sight of the neat black ink he managed to read the name.

“So you’re Kurogane ne?”

No answer. His eyes flickered with some surprise as he reached out and pulled the scattered papers nearer to him but otherwise he made no indication that that was his name. But Fai knew. He grinned as a sudden idea came to him-

“What grade are you in Kuro-tan?”

The reaction was immediate and Fai watched in amusement at the student’s sudden anger in his face.

“What did you call me?!”

“You don’t like it?” Fai tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Well I guess Kuro-rin is always another good one!”

“Quit it!”

Other students filing out of a nearby building were turning to stare at them in mild interest. Fai could hear the distinctive whisper of girls giggling to one another, “Aww! How cute! Now we know why Kurogane-sempai never paid any attention to us!”

“Hyuu~! Kuro-pon is always nice!”

“Will you cut that out?!” He exploded once more.

“But Kuro-tan is better than ‘Kurogane’ you name is too long!” he waved at him with another giggle. “C’mon, can you show me around before my class starts? I don’t know where many of the buildings are!”

He had initiated their friendship but that didn’t mean anything… So what if he flirted with his friend? He was living his life the way his brother would have. But that didn’t mean he didn’t remember the promise of the Witch. Just a few more years and then it would all be over… He’d have fun and then he’d be reunited with his brother.


“Kuro-sama!” Fai waved his friend over eagerly. “You were so great up there on stage!”

“Will you shut up?!” Kurogane growled, glaring. “What was so great about it?”

“Well, Kuro-sama nearly fell!”

“Oh shut up.”

They had graduated together, moved in together as roommates. Fai would go out every day- to clubs, bars, hotels… Just to have fun. It didn’t matter to him anymore. Even though Kurogane would get angry at him for being lazy and not contributing to the rent. But was it bad that every time the red eyed man would yell at him, all he could ever think about was the way those lips moved.

Fai would study their curves and wondered how they would feel compared to the other kisses he had received from others. Would they be forceful upon his own, seeking complete dominance over him? Or would they be warm with just a hint of roughness to them, leading him into utter abandon?

This was wrong… Yet, it was only for fun- wasn’t it?

“Where did you go last night?”

Fai didn’t answer, he sported a bruise across his cheek- the man had been violent. But he didn’t care. It wasn’t as if it mattered what happened to his body when it would deteriorate with all the other millions of Tokyo.

Another earthquake had happened today. The man he had been with tried to get them out but he hadn’t wanted to. He had wanted to stay in the building. The man in his fury hit him and threw money at his feet, his parting words still clear in his mind, “Fuck you then you idiot- I’m not going to die!”

Why had those words stung him?

“Answer me!” Kurogane gripped his elbows tightly, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“Ne, ne Kuro-tan worries too much about little ol’ me!” Fai grinned, wincing slightly as pain streaked up his cheek. “What a caring roommate!”

“Stop fucking around!” Kurogane yelled, shaking him. “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you care about what others feel? Those girls came by looking for you! They’re worried about you! And so is the kid!”

“Sakura-chan was here?” Fai let his bangs fall into his sapphire eyes. “I said I would meet her… Chi and Tomoyo-chan as well… I’ll go see them and-”

“No!” The ruby eyed man grabbed his shirt, shoving him up against the wall. “Not until you tell me where you’ve been!”

“Kuro-sama shouldn’t care.” Fai whispered. “Unless…”

Fai lifted his eyes to those staring down at him with anger. Such… pain in those eyes. Did he ever give off such feelings? No, he couldn’t- he smiled all the time- never let it show… Those lips were curved into a deep frown, the crease in his forehead- it was all too much. Fai could probably reach up and brush their lips together-

And suddenly he gave into the urge. Just a soft caress of lips- an experiment as he moved over those lips he had always dreamed of. He loved the feeling, the taste, everything about it was just so wonderful…

And what was more wonderful was that he kissed back, hard and rough- in answer to his desperate need.


Fai didn’t know what to do anymore… He couldn’t be with him after all this… He had tried to distance himself from his best friend because what he had done with him had gone too far. He had crossed the line and had become… too involved with him… With everyone. He had gotten close when it had only just been for fun. He wouldn’t let them get hurt because of him. He was going to die, because he wanted to and dying in one of these earthquakes was the best way to go.

“The next place that will be gone is Yamanote Line.” Yuuko explained. “If you truly want to die, you’ll have to go there.”

“What’s the price for this information?” Fai asked.

“The price has already been paid for…” Yuuko murmured.

“Who paid for it?” Fai demanded.

“You’ll understand it time.”


He stared at the assortment of wires hooked up to the man’s body. He let his eyes travel up from the foot of the bed up to his chest rising evenly. Higher and higher until suddenly he met those ruby-red eyes staring at him.

“Why did you do it?” Fai whispered hollowly.

“You can’t be that dense.” Kurogane muttered looking away.

“Answer me!” Fai yelled.

“Are you really so stupid that you haven’t guessed it by now?” He suddenly snapped eyes looking back to him in mild annoyance.

“No…” Fai shook his head, eyes wide in fear. “You… you can’t!”

“And why not?” Kurogane lowered his voice.

“Because, because… I’m- I’m not who you think you are!” He had been yelling without even meaning to but now he lowered his voice to barely above a whisper “ I don’t deserve anyone…”

“I think I’ll be the one who chooses who I can’t or can’t have thank you very much.” Kurogane huffed.

“No…” Fai shook his head turning away. “No… you won’t.”


“You can’t love me. You can’t.” Fai whispered hugging himself tightly.

He shut his eyes tight against the bright lights of this forsaken city. He had been away from Kurogane for a week now, unable to so much as see at him. He had watched from afar as the young man had exited the hospital- one arm missing. People stared at him but he was oblivious to it all just searching among the crowd for something- or rather someone.

And Fai had run away.

Standing there in the middle of a street, he took comfort in the solace that was presented to him. People on either side of him continued moving, ignoring him as they tried to move past him. Fai let them push him aside until he too began to move only to bump into someone.

Fai opened his eyes in shock at the collision and stared at an emerald eye- the other was covered by a bandage- before him. He gave a start and instinctively took a step back. He had just bumped into this person; he should apologize no matter how much he didn’t care…

“I’m- I’m sorry.” He attempted to smile. “So clumsy of me.”

He moved past the man, not bothering to stop until he was a few feet away. And suddenly he turned around to glance back at nothing. The young green eyed man was no where to be seen- not even his retreating back was to be found amid the crowd. He stared; sapphire eyes wide in surprise.

Who… was that?


Fai walked around aimlessly, lost in his thoughts. He kept his eyes on the ground, not really looking at anything all. Thoughts of their last night together came flooding back to him in perfect clarity.

“If you come here for sex, then don’t bother coming again.”

Fai closed his eyes, trying not to look at his roommate. He was right. He shouldn’t come here. But he wouldn’t let it go this easily. Not yet- he still had some time before he could finally leave…

“Then where should I go Kuro-pon?” Fai asked smiling. “This is my home isn’t it?”

“Shut up.” His voice was harsh and his gaze snapped in his direction. “You know what I mean!”

Fai remained silent until he suddenly turned away, bangs coming low into his eyes, “You’re right. I should leave… I shouldn’t be here anymore…”

He sighed, feeling detached from himself as people walked on either side of him, scurrying along the streets. He couldn’t take it anymore. He stopped, tensing ever so slightly- how had he found him? He sighed, no matter- he should have expected the man to find him. He looked up at him at a loss for words.

For the longest of moments all he could do was he stare at him- he let his eyes travel all along the well chiseled face, the jaw set, arms- no, he flinched- arm crossed over his chest. He suppressed a flinch as he continued to stare at the arm that wasn’t there. It was his fault. All his fault.

The crash of windows.


Uneasy steps. And then a sudden jerk and Fai falling.

A yell. A scream. Blood…

Then a rough yanking of his arm, into bright light and then, realization.




“Hey.” He muttered.

“Kuro…” he murmured. “How… how did you find me?”

“Tomoyo can find you anywhere you know.” Kurogane muttered easily. “She told me everything. 1999, Dragons of Earth and Heaven, the Final Day…” The word were spoken indifferently. “She told me you wanted to die…”

He didn’t respond. He didn’t even notice the many people hurrying about on either side of him, passing without a second glance. And suddenly he couldn’t help it, he ran towards him, sobbing.


Fai gripped his shirt tightly and shut his eyes against the bright light. One arm came around to wrap around him, against the chest. The embrace was awkward and rough it wasn’t comforting but it wasn’t meant to be. And Fai could feel the unspoken promise lingering in the air.

I’m here… You aren’t alone…

But for how long?

His fingernails dug deeper and he tried to suppress a sob. He didn’t understand it, he couldn’t. How could someone like this love him?

But right now it didn’t matter. In this stilled moment in time he didn’t care anymore. It was there, now in this warm hug, he let himself become lost in it- this here, this felt right. Dying could not compare to the wonderful elevating sensation he was feeling now. Being held like this safe, warm, loved...

He wasn’t sure what love was- he had never experienced it before. He’d probably never learn what love was but be could learn, most likely would learn with Kurogane. For a moment, he opened his eyes, all traces of fear fading away from his eyes.

He looked up at his lover and whispered, “Kuro-sama will stay then…?”

Kurogane looked down at him and muttered, “Idiot.”

But the insult was not spoken with malice, there was affection in his eyes. Fai smiled. He would learn…

“Let’s go home.” He muttered, steering him into the car parked nearby. “Let’s get out of this city.”

“The bridge?” Fai asked curiously.

“Nearest way out.”

“Yes, I suppose…”

“You coming?”

Fai lingered for a moment and Kurogane turned back to him, motioning for him to sit in the car. His bangs lowered slightly for a moment but then the smile was back, just as brilliant as ever- it didn’t matter…

“Coming, Kuro-pon.”


Yuuko Ichihara, the Dimensional Witch watched the past unfurl out. Their destiny was foreordained- it was inevitable they should meet… and die. Two pairs of star crossed lovers were torn apart that night on Rainbow Bridge and there was nothing to be done about it. She observed the threads of destiny tighten closer among them.

She turned away from the memory and turned to the front of her shop. How many had passed here? Vampires… hunters… those children… She stood, waiting.

Another chance, another life, another time. And this time she’d make it count. The drop in the sky was getting bigger- they were coming.

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February 2011

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